A series of works in watercolor and oil. This is the first section in this series, addressing the current pandemic and its effects worldwide.
Each painting was complete before being named for an affected place and dedicated to a person.
the first series were all 18×24″
these are larger, 22×30″. looser.
I had a difficult time working on the first series, with a lot of stops and starts. I’ve added the last few to that post.
series two: updated as I go.
The world is in a flux, a liminal moment.
These are times when creating anything is difficult for me. I feel that collective unease, hope, fear, pain, anticipation. And I have all those feelings. It can get overwhelming.
I’ve never been good at actually starving- in times when I’m suffering, broke, afraid, it’s harder for me to do any work at all, let alone anything I feel is any good. Hard times make hard art, for me.
Yet here I am, trying.
I’ve applied for every grant I can find and not gotten one. No SBA, or anything. I did get a stimulus check- that’s about what I earn a week, and I’m still paying off bills related to being a cancer caregiver for a year (I was off work up until last fall). It didn’t stretch far. I guess we’ll see if that stuff changes for me. Regardless, these won’t be for sale for a little while. I’ll probably do a print run. I’ll try to show them. I don’t know what gallery will have them though.
Lucky me, I’ll not be homeless, unless illness strikes us again. I’m in fear of that.
I’m in fear. I’ll admit it. I don’t understand how anyone can not be, on some level. Whether admitted or not- I can feel your fear all around. The aggression in the air, the sadness, and the fear underlying it.
I feel it, you feel it, everyone is feeling it. Some will lie- but fear isn’t weakness. You’ve got to just feel it. Let it be there. Don’t panic, of course- or panic in controlled ways, I guess. But be cautious. Fear is how our natural bodies tell us there is danger, and listening to our intuition and being cautious isn’t a bad thing. Living despite fear, the name for that is bravery. You are brave.
I feel also a great protective kindness. Most people, MOST people, want to help each other. We all want to be helpful, useful, good to each other. We are not only afraid for ourselves. Those who don’t care are a minority-loud, but small. Fuck em.
This is the most reassuring thing I know, right now. I’m holding to it. I hope you can too.
We all know someone who’s seemed normal but who’s somehow gotten involved in reposted propaganda and nonsense about this stuff.
I am talking about someone who isn’t a Limbaugh listener. A yoga teacher, a coffee roaster, an office worker. Someone who isn’t even all that political really, but who is nevertheless posting heavily photoshopped images about “saving children” with random celebrities hovering like demons in the background. How did these people get sucked into a strange cult? How did regular people end up believing an antisemitic trope about “baby brains”? Why is Nevaeh even aware this shit exists?
It starts with that tag. “save * children”.
Yes, we are dealing with a destructive cult. Yes, the people who want to “open up” and who are arguing with you about numbers and validity of studies and all that shit are arguing in bad faith and lying, because they want to die and they want to kill. That’s their goal.
They are not debating you or questioning to learn. They are using your space online to repeat the same propaganda they’ve been handed, and to get you tired out from fighting. Don’t let them do it.
I should say, this didn’t start with trump. The roots of this cult are deep in America*. Trump may be the flower on the branch, but that’s all.
It started before I can rightly cover in this post, in any post. I am not a historian. I’ll be speaking only of more recent events, of things I have read and researched personally, of my own experiences and stories and accounts I’ve heard.
Part One: How Grandpa Lost His Sharp Mind
Many people know someone who was a professional, a scientist, a smart person, but who has lost their ability to discern reality from fiction.
Let’s be very clear. There’s more than one reason people get involved in cults. Some vulnerability in them is exploited- whether it’s loneliness, fear, poverty, neglect, jealousy, spite, racism, anger… there’s an emotional lack that the cult “fixes”. This does not mean the members were bad people before they joined in. This does not mean they were unintelligent or even ignorant. They simply had some kind of vulnerability that left them open to this.
the pain started two hours after I chopped and scraped the seeds out of what tasted like VERY mild jalapenos. I figured they were so mild, they wouldn’t burn.
NO. no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
I worked with 3lbs of them, and that was more than enough.
all of the suggestions you will find online, only work if you catch the capsaicin oil BEFORE it starts burning! if it’s in the surface, just starting to hurt. if you catch it quickly, you can try
rub oil into your hands, deeply, and let it sit
wash with blue dawn dish soap or other grease cutting soap, in the hottest water you can stand
repeat at least 3 times
Me though? I didn’t start to treat this until hours later and by then it was too late for the home remedies. For washing. That oil was absorbed- under the skin, not on it. You can’t wash it off.
I tried every single thing online that I could find. Vinegar soak. Olive oil/hot water washing. Mustard. Baking soda. Maalox. Bleach cleaner. Milk. Alcohol. Yogurt. Stainless steel. Salt. Milk soak. Aloe. Lemon juice. A lemon. An onion. Butter. Crisco. Sugar.
After several dozen ridiculous attempts, I realized that it was too late to do that shit.
Icepack, pain relief. that’s it. once it’s been a few hours, that’s all you can do.
1. wash your hands as well as you can, cold water feels nice. oil-reducing soap is good I guess.
2. apply blue gel, lidocaine, or anbesol/orajel to the entire affected area. allow it to absorb.
3. once it’s dried, apply a thin layer of any beeswax based/oily salve to hold the lidocaine to the skin surface. this will increase the time it lasts.
4. take a damn pain pill. I took ibuprofen. I might go on up to a codeine pill if it goes back to the pain I was at earlier- easily an 8/10! right now it’s just tenderness, and a Tylenol or Ibuprofen is enough.
5. take an antihistamine. Benadryl is best, Claritin works. this keeps inflammation down a little- your skin won’t be so red and irritated.
6. do not touch your eyes, genitals, mouth. don’t touch other people’s sensitive bits. you have to wait until your hands have used the capsaicin up- according to a paper I read that can take up to 24 hours. so be cautious during this time.
7.you can put on nitrile gloves if you like. I found they made the lidocaine wear off faster (maybe due to the warmth)
8. avoid touching ANYTHING warm/hot, and ANYTHING with capsaicin in it (even a sweet bell pepper!) for a few days. your nerve endings need to heal, your body needs to process that capsaicin. give it time.
I must have put a hundred condiments and unguents and cleaning supplies on my hands tonight. I spent hours trying.
just treat the pain, don’t reexpose your hands to heat or the chemical that hurt you. and don’t touch your eyes!!! OR YOUR JUNK. I MEAN IT.
yes, they want to kill their base. yes they want to die. yes they want to get other people killed too, that’s the whole point. yes.
I see people saying things like:
“I don’t get it why would they want to support this guy”
“why fight with science do they want to die”
“does he WANT to kill his voter base”
“I don’t understand why they are so hyped on people who stand for the opposite of what they say they care about, I thought they were ‘conservative'”
“what’s the big deal about a mask”
I AM HERE TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. IF YOU ARE CONFUSED BY RIGHT-WING AND ALT-RIGHT BEHAVIOR, IN THIS MOMENT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
They are NOT telling you how they really feel.
They are LYING about their motivations.
They do NOT think a million deaths would be a bad thing and they do NOT think the current pandemic is a hoax. They know it’s real.
They’re in a destructive cult.
A Death Cult.
They not only want to die (their cyanide happens to be covid 19) but they want to take as many others down as possible. They’re deep in a cult, a real cult.
It’s got a lot in common with both Pol Pot (anti science/anti knowledge) and Aum Shinrinkyo (“truthers”, trying to start the end times) cults. Since it’s American, there’s a lot more dominionist/prosperity gospel Bible thumping mixed into it, including the End Times being a good thing, punishment of their opponents, having twelve kids to make a ‘god army’, all that. Add in an American mixture of sexism, racism and -phobia and you’ve got a really poisonous stew. A melting pot of horror.
The underlying principles of Death Cults are always the same.
Anything they’re saying as “reasons” for this stuff, is purely a cover story for their actual purpose. They are not having a debate with you. They are not “presenting evidence”, playing devil’s advocate, trying to find answers, whatever way you are giving them a pass- you’re wrong about it. You are reading them wrong, which is their goal. They want to spew propaganda, and every time you reply to their shit in good faith, you’re letting them do it.
You enjoy a good conspiracy, right? This one isn’t even hidden. Barely. They’re barely trying to hide it anymore.
Actually, the same reason you enjoy a good conspiracy, is the reason they got sucked into this cult, some of them. A feeling that you know more than other people, that you’re on the inside, that you are right and others are blind, a sense of belonging, feeling like you are “making a difference”. These are natural human urges, and cults use them to snare people. (we can’t ignore the racist/sexist aspects of this cult in particular, but ANY cult will appeal to these other urges-even for intelligent people)
What is an acceptable number of people to kill? For what goal? Even the goals they have, do not make sense: unless you know they are in a Death Cult and
*killing people is their actual goal*
Tomorrow I’ll tackle the ways people have gotten snagged in this- Q and the chans’ political quarantine sections have a lot to do with it. “reasonable” questions, conspiracy theories, mistrust of regulatory agencies (which have been purposely gutted to function poorly), police brutality, pay cuts for essential workers, pitting teachers against parents, and on and on.
I’ll get into that tomorrow in a follow up.
where this shit is coming from:
*losing someone caught up in this?*
My friend Lucy F. R. has really great taste in movies.
I don’t say that lightly. You all know (if you’ve been reading me a while) how fussy I am about horror/weirdshit and how many movies I’ve watched. It’s my actual hobby, unrelated to anything else I do, purely for enjoyment. It’s hard for me to find people to talk about movies with, really- my uncle, who first introduced me to horror movies, and weird cinema, and one or two friends. So I’m really happy to have a conversation here about movies with someone.
(R: me, L:them)
R: you’re on a grimy southern/grind horror kick right now. But what genre do you like best? What feeling are you after?
LFR: Horror is my favorite genre, I just get very into specific branches. I always want to end up saying to myself “this is a GOOD movie”.
R: What’s the best of the batch you’ve been into recently?
LFR:The Dunwich Horror (the 70’s one), Ghost Galleon, House By The Cemetery, Werewolves On Wheels, and Tourist Trap.
R: Tell me about Werewolves on Wheels. I just watched Dog Soldiers again, and I’ve been on a werewolf kick.