conservatives supported the crown in colonial days. “this isn’t the proper way.” “we’ve never helped revolutionaries, why start now?” “can’t things just go on as they have.”
conservatives wanted slaves. “it’s how we’ve always done this.” “can’t things just go on as they have.”
conservatives fought for Jim Crow laws. “put it back how it was.” “can’t things just go on as they have.”
conservatives fought against giving Black people the vote. women the right to vote, natives the right to vote. “it’s never done that way.” “we’ve never helped Negroes, or women, why start now?” “can’t things just go on as they have.”
conservatives fight to retain, not to progress. conservatives fought to destroy native american sovereignty and land use. “we’ve never helped indians, why start now?” “that’s not how we do things.” “can’t things just go on as they have.”
If you believe what the bible says: Jesus was opposed and murdered by conservatives. “how dare anyone change the rules.” “it’s not how we do things.” “imagine inviting a prostitute into your circle.” “we’ve never helped lepers, why start now?”
“can’t things just go on as they have?”
“can’t we do it how we used to do. back when I didn’t have to care?”
:writing taken from morning journal, images chosen for mood and nothing more:
a series of reviews, two each day, of horror movies.
day one, movie one: # alive.
1: half the people are crazed and trying to kill the other half of the people, panic and mass casualties, violent infection, etc – yes, it’s 2020-2021 thank you, continue
2: infected people trying to get in and infect people who are quarantined, aggressive mental illness -yes, yes
3: your neighbors are all worse than you ever knew -yes. yes
4: cops eating each other -please do go on
5: oh no several days how will you ever survive with only ramen
two whole days of lockdown
6: so you’re warned to have plenty of food and water, yet you don’t immediately fill up the bathtub at least, or the sinks. and you don’t go into the zombie neighbor’s abandoned apartment to see if there’s food
7: too much tech, not enough walkie talkies. I doubt.
8: I get it, people expect the end of the world to be like, a switch flipped, but no. this shit draaaags forever
9: the golf club is reminiscent of funny games. maybe an intentional nod to his change in mental state
10: slapstick!
11: finally, foraging.
12: the Mormons are at the door
13: we have skipped two weeks, without water or food?
14: and finally the lights out- wouldn’t that go before the running water?
15: oh the melodrama. don’t be a moron, but this magical dude has been alive a month without water
16: Kim Yu-bin is keeping track of her shit. I bet he gets her killed. nice waterworld callback with watering the plant.
17: of course he’s that stupid, he’s the protagonist and you’re a competent woman in a movie. how else would it justify you endangering yourself for him?
18: oh, wait. he HAS water? from where?
19: finally the tech is worth a damn. and she’s feeding him, which is ok because yes helping each other matters but
20: ok yes the tech is nice, good point, this is a scene from hackers vs zombies. slapstick is fine. zombie big mad. give me back my hand you bastards
21: Jun-u. I had been ignoring his name the entire movie. This is a bad habit of mine with zombie stuff.
22: finally some decent fuckin plot movement. there’s kids, in a good movie he’d have to kill one. instead, a treasure trove of all the survival gear. it’s handy when someone else did the preparation FOR you. I mean damn
23: oooh she’s only alive to help HIM. what a fucking surprise
24: reminds me of the pandemic “share a window” website crossed with a gentle, normal mukbang (not a weird fetish feeder one)
25: the zombies are going hooome. the zombies are going hooooooome
26: ok yes sounds scary, looked scary but it seems like there’s only five of them at her door
27: she’s skilled. of course. melee fighter. I like that this isn’t the dumb-ass slow zombies, nor the superhuman ones. just regular people.
28: another pile up!
29: don’t drink koolaid from strangers, but spam? NO NOT THAT EITHER. of course there will be cannibals in this that aren’t sick, that’s another nice callback (the road) (dead alive). I’m still holding out hope a kid zombie gets killed, although it’s unlikely at this point.
30: holy fuckin generational-divide-monologue for the ages
31: oh damn a gunshot in South Korea.
32: look, Kim, I wasn’t given any backstory for you, but I really want you to outlive “regular dumb guy”. the suicide subplot is going nowhere and we both know it
33: it’s never a good look to be fighting zombie hordes on the stairs. I don’t know why, it just isn’t good. just stay in the damn apartment. please.
34: regular Joe, you are doing the right thing by staying behind, keep that up.
35: FUCK THIS SHITTY APARTMENT
36: finally, machine guns. sorry, I’m American. I’ve been waiting for an hour and a half for logic to set in
37: where are they even going? she’s cooler than him, why isn’t she getting messages? so I guess his Instagram saved her? is that a subversiveon of what I’ve been complaining about? I think it is.
7/10 excellent slapstick, callbacks, just enough humor without ruining the narrative. subversive ending in that he’s only in the movie for the sake of saving her life, and neither died. points deducted for lack of depth to the woman in the film, too much depth for the guy, and for showing us a lack of water then changing that enough to keep someone alive for 20 days. (also, he didn’t even fill up the sink, the hell)
number two, day one: condemned
this movie is about squatting, a lifestyle I’m too familiar with. let’s see how close to the mark it gets. oh, and zombie infection stuff. that too.
1: the supe is always the strangest thing in any building in NYC. always. this isn’t a narrator. this is realism.
2: when will rich kids learn that poverty isn’t an aesthetic? when will something that poor people authentically live through, be safe from commodification and the thievery of the privileged? where does class/cultural appropriation end? why are people using their yacht money on a tiny fuckin house? find out on the next episode of generation x, when we discuss the occup- wait no- this is just a zombie flick. sorry about that
3: I know she’s saying other shit on the phone but all I hear is “the rain was such a blessing”
4: montage is always good with good music over it. going anywhere in the city is basically a montage in reality
5: cigarettes cost 14 bucks in New York holy fuckin shit I’m old
6: ominous: “what could be worse than where you are now”, teens having sex, neon lighting, drainpipe footage, “what difference is a day gonna make”, “I won’t make the same mistake like I did in Vladivostok”
7: this bondage shit on the third floor is giving me a real, serious flashback to a job I did briefly which paid incredibly well. every time these characters show up I have a flashback, every time I watch this.
8: every character in this movie is someone I’ve met. every fuckin one. even cookie. I hate that and love it at the same time. I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in bad beat city but this is accuracy.
9: the glitch hallucination is wonderful. don’t show me people’s bad dreams, though. it’s a waste of film. especially someone’s dream who doesn’t know that squats don’t get the garbage picked up. at least he was gentle about her tourist status. (yes, that was fucking gentle. she’s visiting, but they LIVE there. he’ll show you the life of the mind)
10: the colors in this movie reminds me of Mermaid in a Manhole, an amazing movie itself- this is a compliment
11: yes punk means you puke and say “did you SEE that” yes it does
12: the way sickness spreads in close, unmaintained quarters is accurate too. these old buildings were originally tenements and were notorious for being built in a way that contributed to outbreaks of diseases. ny poverty history
13: the glitch used as stand-in for visual mirage is again amazing and continues to be throughout
14: that walk up all the stairs after a day at work to complain about the horror of everyday life, with a back crack and sore feet.
15: the cops are also accurate
16: the plot takes a nice strong left turn here, and it’s perfection. since the development of the plot cookie was leading us to doesn’t matter to the people in this building, it’s better to truncate it. and then we can get to business.
17: yes. if you die in a squat, you’re getting rolled in a carpet and left blocks away. you’ve got to. nobody’s gonna kill you but nobody’s going to be on the street over your ass either.
18: guitar axe skyline lightning. that may be a summary of the whole movie.
19: absolutely pitch perfect “you ruined new york city” rant for the ages
I used to live there
20: if the building wasn’t shit, this would be a nice Shining callback
21: FAWKKING
22: this movie just will not let you have any expected outcome. it’s brilliant.
23: I’ve lived in a brownstone that had a cellar which connected to every building on the block and beyond. that was in Philly, but the construction of this landscape is perfect.
24: FUCK THIS SHITTY APARTMENT
full disclosure- I own this DVD and have watched it a lot. it’s one of my favorite movies, structurally and visually, and I think it’s one of the best horror movies made this decade. 9/10
Calling in the Forces, Sunflowers 22×30″ watercolor
Skating in New York City watercolor, 22×30″
The world is in a flux, a liminal moment.
These are times when creating anything is difficult for me. I feel that collective unease, hope, fear, pain, anticipation. And I have all those feelings. It can get overwhelming.
I’ve never been good at actually starving- in times when I’m suffering, broke, afraid, it’s harder for me to do any work at all, let alone anything I feel is any good. Hard times make hard art, for me.
Yet here I am, trying.
I’ve applied for every grant I can find and not gotten one. No SBA, or anything. I did get a stimulus check- that’s about what I earn a week, and I’m still paying off bills related to being a cancer caregiver for a year (I was off work up until last fall). It didn’t stretch far. I guess we’ll see if that stuff changes for me. Regardless, these won’t be for sale for a little while. I’ll probably do a print run. I’ll try to show them. I don’t know what gallery will have them though.
Lucky me, I’ll not be homeless, unless illness strikes us again. I’m in fear of that.
I’m in fear. I’ll admit it. I don’t understand how anyone can not be, on some level. Whether admitted or not- I can feel your fear all around. The aggression in the air, the sadness, and the fear underlying it.
I feel it, you feel it, everyone is feeling it. Some will lie- but fear isn’t weakness. You’ve got to just feel it. Let it be there. Don’t panic, of course- or panic in controlled ways, I guess. But be cautious. Fear is how our natural bodies tell us there is danger, and listening to our intuition and being cautious isn’t a bad thing. Living despite fear, the name for that is bravery. You are brave.
I feel also a great protective kindness. Most people, MOST people, want to help each other. We all want to be helpful, useful, good to each other. We are not only afraid for ourselves. Those who don’t care are a minority-loud, but small. Fuck em.
This is the most reassuring thing I know, right now. I’m holding to it. I hope you can too.
I’m not going to include many photos in this post, to provide my clients with some privacy.
side note: this information applies to most any kind of scar, not just self injury.
I’ve got some scars from self harm. I know a lot of people do. it can be really embarrassing, or feel shameful to have them seen. if they’re in really visible areas, it’s even worse.
I’ve had mine covered with tattoos (I stopped cutting years ago, when I was still fairly young). I’ve gotten images that remind me of what I’ve been through and of what I’d like my future to look like. I want you to know you’re not alone with this, first of all. I also want you to know that not only are you not alone, I have seen and tattooed worse scars than yours- burn wounds, surgical scars, all of it. yes, you may have done serious damage to yourself, but no- it’s not impossible to tattoo over it.
If you want to do this, here’s a few things to keep in mind.
you have to stop cutting in that area and adjoining areas for at least a few months before we can start working on it. the skin can only heal so much at once, so nearby open wounds will mess up the healing process of the tattoo. if you can’t entirely stop SH/SI, try to go lighter and in a completely different area for a while before you come for a tattoo.
make a consultation time with me first. that way we can figure out the pattern and texture of your scars and skin, what areas are “ripe” for tattooing and which may need more time. scars should be a little bit settled in before we tattoo on them, so the ink will hold properly. a consultation gives us a chance to also meet up and discuss what your goal is with the tattoo itself.
it’s OK if your goal is ‘hide these’, it’s OK if your goal is ’emphasize these’, it’s OK if your goal is to stop SH/SI and it’s OK if your goal has nothing to do with stopping. I won’t judge. I won’t look down on you. I know that you have your own reasons, and you don’t have to explain that to me or go into detail. you don’t have to relive your troubles just so that I will tattoo you. my goal is to make you happy with your tattoo- that’s all. I’m just here to make something positive happen for you.
minimal, crisp, geometric, thin-lined, pale, wispy art doesn’t cover or hide scars. if your goal is to camouflage the scars, we will likely end up doing painterly, saturated, textured organic shapes of some kind. branches, trees, flowers, plants, animals. things that have volume and texture. if your goal is NOT to hide or cover the scars, let me know, so that we can work out what you do want to do.
scars that are fresh, still healing, or very livid usually don’t take ink very well. usually, moisturizing often with vitamin e and/or a good scar reducing lotion for a few months will fix this. this is yet another reason to stop harming the skin in the area you want tattooed and the surrounding area. we need to give your cell walls a chance to regenerate, to hold the ink in.
don’t be afraid to email me or contact me EVEN IF you aren’t coming to me for the tattoo. I’ve been through some shit and I know how intimidating it can be to walk in to strangers and talk about this stuff. I can always answer questions, possibly suggest understanding artists in your area, or even just listen. I think everyone deserves a good experience when getting tattooed, and I’m here for that if you need it.
you’re likely to get an endorphin high during or after the tattoo, similar to what you’d get from shallow cuts or abrasions. getting heavily tattooed was part of how I broke my cycle of self harm- I realized I could get that sensation in other ways. it’s almost the same chemicals released as a “runner’s high”- so just speaking from personal experience, running and getting tattooed are both good ways to get that little kick, without doing more damage.
come prepared to comfort yourself. your favorite blanket, pillow, headphones, dress in comfy clothes. self-soothing is totally welcomed in my space, I will never mock you for making sure you’re comfortable and feeling safe. bring a snack as well, or something you like to munch or drink (no booze!) you can bring a friend or come alone- whatever makes you feel safer.
me getting my upper arms worked on.
if you need further information, email me, or, preferably, comment below. I’ll try to answer any comments I get here as quickly as I can.
“don’t cover them”
it goes without saying that SH/SI is dangerous and you shouldn’t do it. we all know that. but I know, and you know, that sometimes it’s a thing we do to cope, and we can’t just stop until you find better ways to cope with all the bullshit life throws at us. I hope we all find better ways to cope, I hope everyone reading this is able to find things that help. I did-and if I can do a thing I am damn sure that you can do the thing.
I understand that it takes time and work so again-don’t feel ashamed. It’s just a thing some of us do. Be as safe as you can be.
(sterile saline wound wash, steri-strips, and clean hands help a lot)
xox
using a scar as a design element
after. the indentation and raised areas become an asset to the design
I don’t really think I need to re-state my position on gun control laws, since it’s obvious that I am a gun owner, and that I think owning weapon is a right, not a privilege.
However, I want to re-state them anyway.
I think everyone who has not committed a violent crime should be permitted to own whatever weapons they choose, without having to register them or alert the government. I see the need for background checks; it only takes ten minutes to run a name and see any violent convictions on someone’s record. I see no need for waiting periods, for anything else.
I am very, very lefty. I’m basically a retired anarchist; I would still love to live in a gift economy, but I do not think this can happen during my lifetime, so I’ve modified my actions based on what I think is possible to accomplish.
I believe in spending public funds on welfare, schools, higher education, and healthcare for all citizens. I believe that religion has no place in ANY publicly-funded system or in ANY politics. I think that people who want abortion to be illegal are idiots. I think that patriarchy is bad, that our culture is set up in many wrong ways. I believe in class warfare, unions as a concept, the rights of workers, and of the underclass to act out. I dislike the way we use our military to screw up other areas of the world, and I think our policies are a direct result of corruption and patriarchy. In other words, I’m not right-wing, I am NOT republican, and I am NOT in favor of god, the bible, and apple pie. I’m basically a commie pinko.
So- while I agree with some things the gun lobbyists stand for- such as my right, and everyone else’s right to bear arms- I can’t donate any money to them, can’t support them in any way, because when I go to an NRA site and see people rooting for assholes who would put me in prison for my reproductive choices, or touting some bullshit flag-waving nonsense about how we should bomb “camel jockeys”, or condescension to female members or participants-
Well, that just sucks, and all of that is what I am against, and passing laws to restrict what I can do with my body is just as repressive as passing laws to restrict what weapons and means of defense I can own, and you guys, THAT is some BULL SHIT. Women want to bear arms too. As do socialists, abortion providers and people who have had abortions, pro-choice folks, people who aren’t in favor of recent wars, people who dislike racism and sexism- we carry too. So putting us down on the regular is just foolish.
Now I’ve said my piece for the day. Time for more coffee, I think. Again, I know that speaking out means some people won’t buy my art, or like me, or whatever. That’s ok. Fuck it- I’d rather just speak my mind and be broke (because people who agree with me are poor) than keep my mouth shut and pander for the sake of a few bucks.
I know a lot of folks from other nations who have a poor perception of Americans. They usually refer to wars, police actions, attacks, and poor choice of presidents as their reason for believing something terrible about us. They are missing the key to changing all those terrible things we do- We are not bad people. In fact, we have a secret soul.
I know, you’re thinking of the blues, or of rap, or of Mark Twain, or about our affable naivetie. This is not what I mean. Mr. Rogers. He is, in fact, the secret soul of the US.
I don't care if you're skinny and covered in shag rug. I love you anyway.
Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff addressing the lack of larger or fat women in advertising, as symbols of beauty. It’s good in a way to see more of this, because the focus on one body type in media can be really disturbing. The implications that anyone bigger than the models is sick, lazy, or unhealthy; that fat women are all ugly, these aren’t right and need changing. I really think it’s good to raise awareness about body image, and to show women of all different sizes as beautiful and feminine.
That said, I also find it disturbing that many of these essays portray thin women as “anorexic” “unreal” and “nonexistent”. Look, I do know that the use of photoshop and the like has made images of impossible women pretty damn common. And yes, a lot of celebrities have eating disorders. But this isn’t always the case. By portraying thin women as unhealthy, sick, or unreal, you are continuing body shame. You are doing the exact same thing to other women that media has done to you, and it’s just as rotten.You’re continuing the cycle of abuse. Yes, you. You were hurt, so now, you’ll hurt others. For shame?
I know a lot of folks from other nations who have a poor perception of Americans. They usually refer to wars, police actions, attacks, and poor choice of presidents as their reason for believing something terrible about us. They are missing the key to changing all those terrible things we do-
