Dying is easy, life is hard

if you don’t like spoilers or are too fragile don’t read any further and avoid the comments.

ethel the actress

this dog was not harmed in the making of this death scene

I usually only watch horror films, spiced with the occasional psychological thriller,sci-fi indy film, or action flick. So recently when someone asked me what my favorite death scene was, from a movie, I first piped up with an obvious one from one of my favorite horror movies.

“No,” she said. “I mean for the impact it had on you. Not for the plot to advance.”
I had to think hard. I mean, very hard. There are so many deaths in the movies I watch, you see, and yet most of them are plot devices, not seriously meaningful beyond that. Not the kind of thing that affects me, really. I mean, even when I watch emotional movies, I don’t get very emotional, and I’ve never cried during a movie (books, yes. movies? no.)

So after a few days of deep thought, I’ve made a list. There are a lot of spoilers in it, and if you don’t like spoilers or are too fragile to handle knowing the end of something don’t read any further and avoid the comments. I’m serious, I’ll just delete comments complaining about spoilers. 

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yelpers

tumblr_n7bjqcpvJp1sfnn0mo3_r3_500side note: they have the wrong website listed for me, and it’s been years since I worked in Corvallis. but don’t let that stop you!

did you have a mind-altering experience getting tattooed by me? If so, hit up the yelp page about me and share your mystical insight with the world. Now, yelp has a history of extortion, and of treating businesses badly. But I find it to be a fun place for you guys to express the strangeness of your time with me. I hate the way yelp treats restaurants in particular, people seem to be so mean to the wait staff then write on there to brag about it…Let’s make my little corner of yelp into something different. Something a little more…off-center.

You can see by the reviews that have already been posted that I hope you feel free to express yourself in detail and with a mind to the hidden aspects of your own experience.

Here’s the link, go hit it with your best flowery and psychedelic prose. The closer your review is to a David Lynch plot, the more I will love you for writing it. Also, tip your wait staff well as hell. Serving people food is one of the most emotionally draining jobs on earth.

 

tumblr_inline_n8pvwkso4h1ru3uxu

more flavor thoughts, and summertime grilling.

kozmo's summertime

kozmo’s summertime

I’ve tried another batch of flavors, and have some thoughts on them. (for those of you looking for the starter kits/basic vaporizer setups, this place has the nicest cheap ones right now. I’ll post a different place if I find a better one.)

Newly added to the all-day vape category:

Honey fig tobacco from the Plume Room. This is luxurious, slightly sweet on the exhale, and rich. Along with Honey nut and Sweet cream, it’s in my pocket now when I leave the house.

Bread from Ecblend. It’s dry. It’s got the same nice crisp dryness as the Graham cracker flavor I like so much, but it also has…sourdough? Some sort of definite savory undertone. It’s very, very good- if you’re looking for something that’s unsweet, this will work.

Vanilla custard from Gremlin Juice. This is the best custard I’ve ever had. And it’s got the right vanilla in it- it’s not flowery at all or artificial-tasting. It’s a good, heavy dessert flavor.

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the bechdel test.

The Bechdel test is simple. Your book, film, or other work passes if it contains two named female characters, who speak to each, about something other than a man (or men).

I actually think about this while reading or watching a movie. Some movies that have been hailed as feminist masterpieces (by morons *cough*) don’t pass this test. And some movies I love but which are seen as just awful to women- DO pass.

The corollary I’d give, is that if your work doesn’t pass the Bechdick test as well, you are off the hook. This second test is simple- if your film, book, or other work contains two men, with names, who speak to each other about something other than women, it has passed the test.

Some works contain only one character, two male characters, or a mixed pair. These works are officially off the hook, not liable to the test. Since they wouldn’t pass the Bechdick test, you can’t apply Bechdel to them either.

However, a book that passes one MUST pass the other as well, or it’s simply not realistic. Even fantasy works should maintain enough realism in the characters to make me believe they are real, to flesh them out. If a work doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, I find my suspension of disbelief waning, and my interest in the (male) characters almost lost- since some characters are not realistic, none can be.

I am legend

A resolution to several difficulties presented in the film, I Am Legend, given in the form of a single sentence; and representing my feelings about this film and all others like it, in which pets are killed in a graphic manner rather than children:

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