this damn insomnia

a picture with my neck visible! amazing!

Usually, I can’t fall asleep. Then, when I can, I can’t stay asleep.

I’ve always had insomnia. I should be used to it by now.

As usual, I read when I can’t sleep. I read and I chain smoke.

I read some research about anomalous motion illusions, which I’ve been studying for some upcoming tattoo work… and read some crappy sci-fi I got from a friend who was moving. I got a whole crate of decent books, actually, which is good since I’d read everything in my house several dozen times.

Also, a picture to keep you guys happy.

(as per request, an explanation of that shit on my neck. and no, I’m not a fucking hippie. I just like math.)

So, back to the insomnia. I’ve tried melatonin, light therapy, antidepressants, sleeping pills. I have tried forced early awakening and early sleep times. I’ve tried keeping a set schedule (lasts about a week before I will start falling asleep standing up) and heavy sleeping pills. I’ve tried drinking, not drinking, marijuana, no caffeine (which was hellish) and even was like this before I started smoking. I don’t do any “up” drugs at all, with the exception of coffee.

I’m giving up, and officially deciding not to worry about my poor sleeping habits any more. I simply don’ t need and can’t maintain any kind of regular sleep schedule and I’m sick of trying. Sometimes you might see me early in the morning, other times I won’t wake up until 4 pm.

That’s just how it’s gotta be.