on becoming outgoing

the ghost writerI used to be really, really shy.

I went through years of just never talking to anyone, just going home after work. Reading. Spending time alone or with one or two friends. Then I went through a long, angry phase of hating people who were social. That lasted a while.

At some point, BAM! I was no longer so shy.

As soon as I didn’t care what anyone thought, things got a lot easier. If someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t really matter. I mean of course there are people that I’d like to have like me- I still don’t feel all the way happy in a crowd- but now, it’s discomfort, a bit of anxiety, whereas before it was crippling and it kept me alone most of the time.

Of course some people don’t like me much, now that I am a loudmouth. But then again…some people wouldn’t have liked me no matter what I did.

I still spend a lot of time alone but now it’s that I choose to, not that I must. I’ve become a little more accepting of people’s weirdness, that people don’t feel sure of themselves and will do bizarre and confusing shit to try to feel better. Humanity. The unwashed masses. The people I tend to spend time with are good people. I don’t try to meet strangers, just more people who know the people I know, and that makes it easier too.

The turning point for me came when I had been tattooing for a few years. I realized, after talking to a lot of my clients, that everybody is awkward and afraid. Some of my clients are gorgeous, talented, incredibly successful people- and here they were, nervous, scared that people wouldn’t like them…it made me start thinking that even though I may be afraid sometimes to look foolish, other people are too. This was a huge leap for me- until then I’d always thought I was alone in my worries and that I was somehow deficient.

I still don’t have great social skills, but now I’m not so concerned with other people’s opinions. It’s easy online of course, to just talk to people. But in real life it can be rough. Knowing that the other people around also want to look good and be liked helps a lot. Sometimes I think I must seem really confident from the outside, but I’m pretty shy and I often clam up or act strange just because I get nervous.

Just a personal note, thought maybe this would help somebody.

new things are here……go buy some,




originally published feb,2009.