on fear

I want people to know and see my work, that is why I do it. yet a part of me fears people, being known, shaking a hand. I seek eyes on my work but I fear the people who own the eyes.

why? why are people frightening?
I love the people I have known. I’ve only met a few people who are fearsome. most are kind, nervous, friendly, excited. some are hilarious, supportive, witty, swift.

why be afraid of it? it’s not fame. it’s some other thing I’m seeking. fame would be truly terrifying and also, I don’t think I have the talent required, both in my work and in my self.

some do get famous with less, but I don’t admire that. I would like to admire myself.

I want everyone to see my work. and then I want to curl into a small, invisible ball and roll away.

the internet is made of eyes. yet you are people, and when I remember that, I’m afraid. but I know many of you and you’re wonderful people who have given me no reason to fear. what is this, then? where does it come from?

I don’t know the answers. why would I?