quarantine paintings: series two

the first series were all 18×24″
these are larger, 22×30″. looser.

more emotional.
I had a difficult time working on the first series, with a lot of stops and starts. I’ve added the last few to that post.

series two: updated as I go.

“Busting the Line, Nebraska”
22×30″, watercolor

“Audience Participation, London”
22×30″, watercolor

Houston has its Time
22×30″, watercolor

Calling in the Forces, Sunflowers
22×30″ watercolor

Skating in New York City
watercolor, 22×30″

The world is in a flux, a liminal moment.

These are times when creating anything is difficult for me. I feel that collective unease, hope, fear, pain, anticipation. And I have all those feelings. It can get overwhelming.

I’ve never been good at actually starving- in times when I’m suffering, broke, afraid, it’s harder for me to do any work at all, let alone anything I feel is any good. Hard times make hard art, for me.

Yet here I am, trying.
I’ve applied for every grant I can find and not gotten one. No SBA, or anything. I did get a stimulus check- that’s about what I earn a week, and I’m still paying off bills related to being a cancer caregiver for a year (I was off work up until last fall). It didn’t stretch far. I guess we’ll see if that stuff changes for me. Regardless, these won’t be for sale for a little while. I’ll probably do a print run. I’ll try to show them. I don’t know what gallery will have them though.

Lucky me, I’ll not be homeless, unless illness strikes us again. I’m in fear of that.

I’m in fear. I’ll admit it. I don’t understand how anyone can not be, on some level. Whether admitted or not- I can feel your fear all around. The aggression in the air, the sadness, and the fear underlying it.

I feel it, you feel it, everyone is feeling it. Some will lie- but fear isn’t weakness. You’ve got to just feel it. Let it be there. Don’t panic, of course- or panic in controlled ways, I guess. But be cautious. Fear is how our natural bodies tell us there is danger, and listening to our intuition and being cautious isn’t a bad thing. Living despite fear, the name for that is bravery. You are brave.

I feel also a great protective kindness. Most people, MOST people, want to help each other. We all want to be helpful, useful, good to each other. We are not only afraid for ourselves. Those who don’t care are a minority-loud, but small. Fuck em.

This is the most reassuring thing I know, right now. I’m holding to it. I hope you can too.