excerpt from “through the looking glass”, an article by Mary Cecil about her experience with psychosis and commitment

Mary Cecil voluntarily committed herself to an institution in the early 1950s. This account was published in its entirety in Encounter, in 1956. Again, the article is excerpted from the book “The Inner World of Mental Illness”.

(for other excerpts, see here, or here)

After a fortnight in a sort of reception ward in the mental hospital, I complained to the doctor that nothing was being done. They didn’t appear to appreciate the urgency of the position. There was I, helpless in the hands of a fiend from Hell and anything might happen any minute. (Ms. Cecil believes that a hallucinated voice is the Devil, sent to harass her.) The Hospital ambled through its days, sweeping us off to Occupational Therapy or out to grass, as the mood took it. One might be suddenly singled out and, eager with hope, be subjected to a blood test or some flippancy like that.

“Ah, but we’re doing so much for you,” the doctor said earnestly…”In fact,” the doctor continued fatly, “we’re going to give you some injections. You’ll be moved to another ward.”

I’d learned already that it was a waste of time asking questions. Psychiatrists thrive on their air of mystery. Anyway, the fact of strange surroundings was enough. In this ward there had been some outbursts from explosive patients. …I noticed that the more obstreperous patients were dragged off, protesting violently, to some outer dungeon spoken of in whispers as the Villa. I added that to my fears and redoubled my attempts to appear totally harmless.

She discusses insulin treatment she received after being transferred to the next ward- a treatment used commonly at that time.

After tea I saw a lady doctor who said I was to have some injections. I saw myself ablaze with vitamins in next to no time. At bedtime the men disappeared into one dormitory and we women into another, so that was all right. Just as I was getting into bed I noticed a sheet marked the Villa. There was a curious taste in my mouth, had I been tricked into the place? Heart thudding, I gazed out the window and saw a small building by itself. “That’s the Villa,” breathed the woman in the next bed.

(more…)

daily dose.

Thought I’d join in on a twitter thing I saw, and post my daily dose of medicines.

In the morning, I take the top row of pills, all of them, everyday.

That’s two 200mg seroquel, and two 40mg prozac capsules. And to the right, Chantix.
I take this as soon as I open my eyes. Sometimes (almost always) I stay in bed or maybe even go back to sleep for a bit; but it’s the first thing I do in the morning.

At night, I take one of the leftmost pills on the bottom row- I alternate them. One is lunesta, one is ambien, one is temazepam. I take a different one each night so they all keep working. And, along with that, I take my second chantix.

I’ve had insomnia as long as I can remember. The last year or so with these medicines, I have been able to fall asleep far easier and more consistently than ever before. Not that I don’t still sleep in, because I do. But at least I don’t stay up all night then sleep an hour or two- or sleep ALL day everyday.

Also, I’ve been smoking a pack a day every day for 28 years. I’ve gone through one pack in the last two days…so the chantix is helping. I still don’t know if it will work, if I will be able to quit completely, yet- but I am hopeful.

an excerpt from “living with schizophrenia”, by Norma Macdonald

Excerpt from an essay published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, ca. 1963. Written by Norma Macdonald, a woman who had been re-admitted multiple times for recurring schizophrenia and aggression.

Another excerpt from the same source, written by a different woman, is available here.

            I began to see that in schizophrenia I had much more than a handicap, I had a tool and a potential. This sort of mind, controlled and used, has a far-reaching imaginative power, a sharp instinctual awareness, and the ability to understand a wide span of emotional and intellectual experiences. Perhaps in 10 or 20 more years I will be able to control it much better than I do now, and then perhaps it will be more use to me. (…) So far few of my conclusions seem to be practical.

.
Simplest of all is perhaps the knowledge that this illness rests very definitely upon physical factors. …if I hoped to remain well I must have three square meals, my necessary nutrients, and at least eight hours’ sleep nightly. I know that by going without food for a day or two or by missing sleep two or three nights in a row I could (and do) lapse into a state where dreams worry my mind at night, fatigue sets in, voices begin to pester me, and suspicion of the motives of even my best friends rises up to turn my life into a living hell.

.

(more…)

home tattooing, round 13,879

http://resonanteye.net/2012/01/06/on-learning-to-tattoo/

 

Needlestick injuries, are also a consideration.

The risks associated with home tattooing start with minor Staph infections and end with septicemia (which can be fatal) and transmission of serious, life-threatening viruses. Also, using your home as a tattoo studio puts you and your family at extreme risk of infections and diseases. Simply put, this is not safe, and is most likely against the law.

Learning on your own will not allow you the ability to use modern techniques and equipment, since most retailers will not sell professional-grade equipment to amateurs. Despite what you may have read on the internet, there are NO books that will teach you everything you need to know to be a tattoo artist. These will only give you bits of information, and without good, working equipment and true, complete information, you just can’t tattoo all that well.

If you’re planning on doing this for fun, don’t bother. It is an actual, honest-to-god, real-life career, and should be approached as one.

on learning to tattoo.

owl tattoo brown tattoos on hipI get a lot of people asking me how to get started, wanting to show their art and find out if they should try to be tattoo artists.

They will ask about apprenticeships, teaching, equipment, schools, kits, “practicing at home”, “teaching themselves”, and all kinds of other stuff. I took the time a while ago to write up an article explaining how to get into tattooing the right way, how to learn without fucking people up, and how to find a decent place to learn from.

I hope this helps someone decide to go the right path to tattooing, and helps others decide it’s just not worth that much to them.

If you really are dedicated and persistent, if you really, really mean it, then you will eventually get there.

Unless you take shortcuts. Don’t take those. Do it the right way, even though it’s harder at the start.

I don’t review portfolios or teach anyone; but if you have more questions after reading this article, feel free to email me.

 

“The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him.”
– Leo Tolstoy

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Childfree Stay-Home-from-Work Day

April 26, 2012.

Quote fromthe event’s page:

“April 26, ’12 is the next “bring-your-child-to-work” day. If you do NOT have or want children, and your workplace participates in this; if you are tired of co-workers who chose to reproduce leaving early, taking extra time off, and generally being slack because of their own life choices; if you think maternity leave should be mirrored by sabbaticals given in equal time to nonparents; if you are sick of your insurance rates being driven skyward by rampant breeding among your employer’s policyholders; in short, if you find it offensive that an entire workday is sacrificed because of the personal choices of others…

bring your child to work in a jar day

Take the day off.
Do your co-workers bring the kids in and then spend the day “teaching” them, so that you end up doing more work on their behalf? Do they abandon the precious creatures in the office, forcing childfree colleagues to entertain or supervise them? Do they wreak havoc at the workplace, and find it adorable?Does your boss think this is a great idea?

Do you wish you could spend an entire day being paid to do no real work?

(made & posted for a dear friend.)

feather and tar

human bones, on the other hand, are just fine. as long as you didn’t collect them yourself.

The most recent revisions to the migratory bird act can be found online; my favorite part, and the most useful, is the list of species NOT covered by the act. These are the birds I find, use, and adore (along with game birds, and pets). If you decide to scroll to the bottom (or actually read the notes, I don’t know what kind of sicko you are, after all) you will find quite an extensive list, many of which you will also find represented in my artworks.

I collect a lot at wildlife facilities, and the feathers and bone I collect there are from birds that do not inhabit north america or the US.

As for bones, skulls, and incidentals of mammals and reptiles/amphibians- I don’t use anything on the CITES list, I either purchase or obtain my pieces legally; sometimes through roadkill salvage where that’s permitted, by finding natural remains, or by beach combing.

It’s not hard to find beautiful natural objects. Simply taking a walk away from other people is often enough. I use plant materials, as well, and collect those in the same way. There’s something deeply fulfilling about walking, looking, and finding. I will use anything I find in some way, just about- whether for my private collection or for artwork.

I do have an artist’s statement hanging wherever these sorts of works are shown. If you’re at the gallery it’ll be right by the first piece you see when you walk in. I will probably post it up here this time too.

corneal abrasions

everywhere it’s glowing was scraped up. the doctor said “like steel wool, some of the worst corneal abrasions I’vve seen.”

I’m already feeling much better, apparently eyes heal quickly. I’m down for a few days though, til they heal up.

The ER here in Phoenix took good care of me- I hate doctors but the one I had for this was really good. So unusual for me to get a doctor (esp at the ER) that does just the right thing,

And the irony is that I never saw her- I was blinded-and have no idea what she looked like.

ETA: They gave me antibiotic ointment goo which sucks and makes my eyes stick shut. they told me no drops- but today I’ve been using plain saline eyedrops and it is helping a lot. also told me no ice packs but until I used one yesterday my eyes were so swollen I couldn’t open them- I’ve been using ice packs anyway because it’s helping.

I sometimes wonder if hospital staff don’t recommend anything that reduces pain, when I come in, just to be dicks. Or because they just don’t care about the pain level? I mean they did give me some percocet but that just makes me calmer- the pain stays the same. Topical stuff is making more difference than that did.

I can read and write today and keep my eyes open longer than yesterday. So, NOT following instructions has helped way more than following them.

pew pew

the oregon advisory council on permanent color technicians

l_75f20eb646e5a97491db8bb21ef67f3c3Today was quite an interesting experience. There are almost a thousand tattoo artists and facilities licensed in Oregon. There are about 150 electrologists. The board that oversees both consists of:

A legislator-type,three electrologists,one permanent cosmetics worker

there are no tattoo artists on this council, even though there are nearly ten times as many licenses issued, and revenue from us makes up the vast majority of funds brought in by that council.

Maybe we can change that at some point. Today I got a sense for how the council works, and what their responsibilties actually are. What they can and cannot accomplish. They seemed like nice enough people. Our inspection/regulations director here, Tim Molloy, was interesting to listen to. He seems to try very hard, but sadly his hands are tied with many things and there’s only so much they’re able to do. It was good to hear that we now have four inspectors rather than just the one.

At any rate, it was a very informative day. I’m exhausted now and I’m going to relax. I may edit up in here later to add more detail once I’ve had some time to digest it all and go back over my notes.

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