I love you, Stephen King. And I hate you.

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I am in the eye of a bad movie hurricane. I’ve got the chest flu. I’m prone to it- when I was a kid I used to get bronchitis every year. I haven’t had it in about two years now so I am due for a bad dose.

So here I am. Short of breath and worn down with fever. What better solution than to watch every single Stephen King movie ever made?

I have read just about all of his books over the years. I was a very literate kid and read cujo when I was probably too young. I don’t like all his writing but many of his books are huge influences on my reading and writing- and his movies are no different.

I’ve got every movie he’s made. I’m going to watch them all while I absorb vicks vapo-rub and hot tea and soup. I’m going to figure out why some of his work made such excellent movies and why some is just. . . Unwatchable garbage.

And I’m going to share the whole process with you. Lucky you.

So far today I have watched desperation, Salem’s lot, storm of the century, thinner, and tommyknockers. Before you imply that starting at the bottom isn’t giving King a fair chance, let me remind you that I have not watched langoliers OR the stand, yet.

Why are all of the movies I’ve watched today just so damn awful? I mean, Desperation was kind of a shitty book and heavy-handed…so I couldn’t expect much from that. But the rest? Salem’s lot and tommyknockers were both great books. And thinner, while not his very best, at least had some meat to it.

Where did things fall apart for these films?

Next post will have some explanations, or as close as I can get to reasons.

Infection/invasion.

Dear movie makers:

I don’t want to watch any actor- let alone a shitty one-on-one emote for sixty three minutes. That’s not a movie.

Blair witch sucked.

I don’t want to watch someone hiding in a closet, a static shot of the back of someone’s head, a poorly lit cellphone or dashcam shot,  or any other single image FOR AN ENTIRE MOVIE.

THAT ISN’T A MOVIE.

The movie? Your plot? Is what is happening OUTSIDE the closet, copcar, or tent. We came yo watch SHIT HAPPEN. The radio era of drama has been over for at least fifty years- LET IT DIE. you’re FILM MAKERS.

FUCKING FILM SOMETHING.

Sincerely,

The movie watching public.

(In reference to “infection (invasion)”, 2005…as seen on Netflix instant play. IMDB tt0472465 “starring” Jenny dare Paulin.)

Sheanderthal caveman

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Fashion week is totally biting my style!

No, seriously.

Just about ready for the first friday opening at the oak street speakeasy. Opening is the 4th, my art will be up all month.

So stylish. Come get some.

DEAR FILM INDUSTRY:

more and better wolves please. and no cgi shit either.

Please produce an original well-written, non-cgi werewoilf movie as soon as possible, in order to entice me back to a theater again.
This means no remakes, no sequels, but a real, awesome, SCARY werewolf movie. No teenage love stories either, please.

I say non-cgi also because far too often I see movies that lean on the ffects when the rest sucks; however cgi LOOKS LIKE A VIDEO GAME and doesn’t improve a movie; it’s dated and ugly, like seeing an 80’s film with computer effects. So knock that shit off.

No remakes or sequels either. Jesus fucking Christ Hollywood, what the fuck are we even PAYING you for? Just because you’re cheap profit-driven fuckheads that won’t pay for a decent writer…ugh. I avoid remakes. I want to see something fresh- I will spend my money on films that take risks, not the same shit over again.

Werewolfs seem to be such an easy hit, too. Like really, we have so much connection to dogs/wolves. Our folklore (western) is practically MADE OF wolf; and yet we get more  vampire in our movie diet…Think dog soldiers or american werewolf in london- but don’t remake …those. WRITE SOME NEW ONES. Thanks.

Sincerely,
your former audience

funny

http://ugliesttattoos.com/2010/05/16/funny-tattoos-scissoring/#comment-28576

Marylin was kinda upset but only I think because she didn’t realize that they post not only ugly or “bad” work, but also joke tattoos and silly ones, that are well done. I understand that not knowing what the site was like she would be pretty upset. But I love that site so…

Any rate here’s the tattoo that caused the flak.

At any rate, this is my own photo of the tattoo. It came out great and makes me really happy. Marylin is an awesome person, and the tattoo made us both giggle a ton. So it didn’t bother me to see it posted there. Go check out their site, too. Except for the fact that they don’t even TRY to find the source for the better-quality tattoos and credit the artists (COME ON GUYS) it’s a great site. And the truly ugly tattoos that do get posted are hilarious too.

http://resonanteye.com/2008/09/18/pair-of-pairs-of-scissors-scissoring/

BIRTHDAY

A republican chick that I knew way long ago got me banned from facebook for my birthday. Wasn’t that nice of her? Doesn’t this make you agree more with her point of view?

At any rate I am having my birthday tomorrow and with any luck I will be going to pet lemurs! I LOVE LEMURS.

If you were trying to tell me something on that facebook stuff, just leave it here. You don’t have to join anything to leave a comment. Just click on “comments” below this post (and type any old thing into the name and email fields)

I had a great birthday, mud slide and all.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3Y24SNfH2Q]

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some things you can do

  1. take your old blankets and towels and any pet toys or things to the local no-kill shelter. If you have time, volunteer to walk the dogs, or play with the cats.
  2. take all your canned food that you didn’t eat or use down to food for lane county. especially if it’s good stuff.
  3. take all your books that you’ve already read, to the local literacy center. in eugene there’s one downtown that teaches people to read.
  4. take your old clothes, wash em, and give them to goodwill.
  5. volunteer to go to a nursing home and visit people who don’t have relatives that visit. You can offer to record memoirs (often single people without kids have led very interesting lives)
  6. let someone who looks more tired than you have your seat.

casflagbg Everyone can do something. Seriously.

I don’t have a lot of time but I do what I can, and my politics have nothing to do with it.

new treatment for MRSA

MRSA, it’s our new boogyman. Staph is all over every surface in our homes, even on our skin. It’s a common bacteria and lots of people get staph infections, from scratches, scrapes, cuts, surgical work, tattoos, you name it- if there’s a break in the skin or an injury, staph infections can happen. (Keeping a new wound or injury clean by washing with anti-microbial liquid soaps is a good start to preventing this, by the way. This is key with fresh tattoos or other abrasions, especially.)

When staph becomes resistant to antibiotics, it’s a nasty thing. MRSA spreads quickly, and it can kill you. Most people get MRSA from hospitals and doctor’s offices or dentists. This is because when disinfectants are used regularly and antibiotics are present in an environment, other kinds of bacteria die off, leaving MRSA to rule the field. More than 2/3 of fatal MRSA infections are caused by surgery.

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tribal tattoos kill my suspension of disbelief in movie villians

some big projects in the works.

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on ambition

I want to get more motivated. I want to be less lazy. I want to do better, work harder, grab the day each day and fucking DO SHIT RIGHT…I don’t wanna look back later on and wish I was more motivated and more driven and less lazy and afraid…I wanna conquer the world

I see my friends getting better all the time, my colleagues outpacing me, growing, doing things I wish I could do…working, doing amazing stuff

people growing all the time. the seattle convention made me wish I was way better than I am. I don’t know where to start except to sink my fingers in to the knuckles and grab hold, and ride

I’m gonna work way harder way more often, I gotta catch up to my people and pass them, I want to be as inspiring to them as they are to me

someone told me over the weekend that they were surprised that with my attitude and interests that my book had a lot of flowers and bright lightness in it and foofoo things. they are right. I don’t get to do the kind of images I really like, things I like, as often as I want to

skulls, blood, gore, zombies, satans, devil, naked chicks…the scary stuff…I need to put myself into my work more, my secret self, and not be afraid that I’ll go broke

I know there has to be people like me, who like that kind of stuff, out there,…I know I can do it

I just gotta work really hard, hope that everyone helps me out when I need it, gives me directions to the place I wanna be

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